Today is what we in the trade call Daily Express Weather. It is colder than the Traitors’ Plain and more bitter than a friend’s betrayal. And it is the only day when reality caught up with Daily Express weather headlines, even though the Express has announced a Big Freeze every week since the end of September. Except for one week when it predicted a freeze and floods, a combination which, logically, can be satisfied only by very quick glaciers.
The Express likes Big Freezes because it hopes they will kill immigrants. When not yelling about Minus-Fifteen Misery For Millions or provoking race hate, the Express proclaims medical cures. These are always for arthritis, diabetes, or blood pressure, and involve either stem cells, scientists from King’s College London, or cranberries. With a new medical miracle reported once every three days — One-A-Day Jab Means End To Arthritis Misery For Millions — it is a wonder that we are not immortal. Perhaps the Big Freeze got us. Or the immigrants.